Harold Keller / L’Observateur / May 20, 1998

Sex is not the road to self-esteem for girls

A few weeks ago, a young girl called me, frantically, and said that she and her boyfriend needed some counseling. In the same breath, she said that Ihad visited with her and her mother more than two years ago.

“I really need your help,” she pleaded. “What’s the problem?” I asked. “It’smy boyfriend,” she answered. “He doesn’t treat me nice anymore. In fact,he is actually mean to me,” she continued. “I know I love him,” sheinsisted, “but it looks like he enjoys hurting me and making fun of me.”I interrupted, because it seemed like that would be the only way for me to be a part of the conversation. “Did you have sex with him?” I asked. “Yes,but not often,” she replied. “That’s the problem,” I continued. “Yourboyfriend got what he wanted. It’s no need for him to be nice anymore.””He says he loves me,” she said. “Let me tell you something, young lady,” Isaid. “Your so-called boyfriend said he loved you to get what he wanted.You were a fool to give in and now you’re paying the price for cheap sex. Hedoesn’t respect you because you let it be known, by your actions, that you don’t respect yourself.”One definition of respect is: to consider worthy of esteem; hence, to refrain from obtruding upon, as a person’s privacy.

The young girl evidently didn’t have a good self-esteem or a favorable opinion of herself, and this allowed her boyfriend to invade her privacy. Ifonly young girls could realize that the only way to gain respect is to respect themselves.

As the young girl and I continued our phone conversation, I assured her that the young man she had a relationship with didn’t love her. “Yourboyfriend,” I continued, “selfishly wanted to satisfy his own lust with no regard for what was best for you.”In talking, she told me that she and her boyfriend both believed in God. “Doyou think that sex before marriage is OK in God’s eyes?” I asked. “No,” shereplied, softly.

As our conversation was ending, I told her that the reason marriages are failing an alarming rate today is because most people disobey God’s law concerning pre-marital sex but confess to believing in God. If a man orwoman will not be faithful to God’s law before marriage, the chances are they will be unfaithful to each other, disregarding God’s law concerning adultery.

I prayed with the young girl and offered to meet with her and her boyfriend later that evening. I shared with her that I would tell herboyfriend exactly what I told her. “I’ll call you when he gets home,” shesaid.

Needless to say, I never heard from the young girl again. I hope and praythat one day God will remove the blinders from her eyes and she will realize that she was created to be more than a sex object for any man.

(I hope my grandchildren read this article.)

Harold Keller is a regular columnist for L’Observateur.

Return To News Stories