By Lee Dresselhaus / L’Observateur / January 13, 1999

So…..once again it has become shriekingly apparent to me that men andwomen just don’t think alike. (Every guy out there who is reading thisright now is saying, ‘Really, Holmes? And what other gems have your powers of observation exposed for us today?’) Well, I’ve written about this before but I believe, after exhausting study on the subject (well, it exhausted ME anyway) that I can now, without fear of contradiction, sum up the differences in the thought processes of the sexes in three simple words: The. Three. Stooges.That’s right. The Three Stooges. Guys think that the Stooges are a giftfrom comedy heaven. Women don’t find anything even remotely amusingabout them. Ever. Guys will spend hours recalling their favorite episodes,seriously debating the merits of Curley as opposed to Shemp, and imitating Moe and Curley doing the eye poke thing, especially when there are adult beverages being consumed in mass quantity and when there are no women around to tell us what juveniles we’re pretending to be when we’re doing the Curley Shuffle. What they don’t understand is simply this.We’re not pretending. And we don’t understand why they don’t find theStooges funny.

Men really like the Three Stooges. It’s a guy thing, like fishing, hogging theremote, and whining to anybody who will listen when we’re sick. TheStooges are as much a cultural icon for American males as almost anything else I can think of, such as football Sundays, cowboys, and sending a stripper to a friend’s office for his birthday. And the Stoogesaudience includes just about all of us, butcher, baker, candlestick maker, doctors, lawyers, and Indian chiefs. Some men begin to think themselvesabove this now that they’ve reached certain levels in their careers but, in the right environment, they will find themselves engaging in conversations that involve Moe, Larry and Curley, just like when they were in high school. And college. And up to somewhere in their forties. (Yes youwill, too.) This is a fact that most women find unfortunate and, in somecircumstances, embarrassing. There is probably not a single socialgathering or party anywhere where if some guy says in that falsetto Curley Howard voice, “Look at the grouse!” that not every other guy in the room will instantly know exactly what he’s talking about. And there’s nota man in this country who hasn’t said, “Soitainly!” at least once in his life. You can tell when someone has slipped into Curley mode – generallywith the aid of the above mentioned adult beverages – because every woman in the room instantly gets either, A) a look of social horror on her face like when your crazy cousin Zeke escaped from the attic and unexpectedly joined you for dinner with your boss or, B) that universal look of utter female disdain and pity we guys have grown to know oh so well and, sadly, eventually get accustomed to.

My wife recently observed me laughing at one of the Stooges episodes on TV and being the kind and understanding woman she is, put it to me like this: “You idiot,” she said, then she accused me of being a case of arrested development who never got out of his adolescence, at least mentally, and further stated that the proof of this was the fact that I could watch anybody who actually called themselves a Stooge. In a feeble attempt at adefense I told her that I prefer not to think of myself as a case of arrested development but rather as a work of art in progress, thank you. She didn’tbuy it but it was worth a shot.

And besides, I’m in good company because most of the rest of the male species enjoy these guys. Women don’t find them even a tad amusing andwill refuse to even sit and watch them no matter how many times you tell them just how funny this particular episode is, really, honey.

Another example of differing brains besides the Stooges thing is the trash thing. When a woman goes to throw something away and the trash is fullshe does what any woman does. She calls for you and makes you take itout. Right now. It cannot wait a second longer. When a man goes to throwsomething away and the trash is full he will momentarily stand there perplexed and wonder just where he will dispose of that object now, then search for any convenient counter space to deposit said object until he gets around to emptying the trash. And if his wife isn’t around to makehim take it out he will wait until something in there starts to stink so bad it even offends him.

Anyway, when I am lucky enough to catch a Stooges episode on TV I take the time to watch it – even if I’ve seen it two hundred times before, starting somewhere around the age of three. My wife is appalled by thisand has begun insisting that I elevate my intellectual sights as far as my taste in television is concerned.

Maybe she’s right but I’ll have to think about it later. Right now there’s arerun of The Beverly Hillbillies coming on. Hey, I wonder if she’ll thinkJethro is a step up? Lee Dresselhaus is a regular columnist for L’Observateur

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