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by Rix Quinn

     Do you think money makes people happy? Maybe not, but it gives them lots more ways to battle sadness.

     The other day I drove to a fancy neighborhood, and surveyed residents about the good and bad sides of money. I got great response before the security guard tossed me and my dog out. Here’s what a few folks told me:

1. “Since I won the lottery, I’ve got lots more girlfriends, but lots less money.”
2. “My doctor told me to lose weight, so I hired someone to exercise.”
3. “I didn’t start out rich, you know. I started out merely affluent.”
4. “I come from a poor family. I wonder what happened to them.”
5. “Yes, I‘m wealthy,  but I’m still a neat housekeeper. Today I keep neat houses in five states.”
6. “My family said my husband married me for my money. I don’t believe it, because his new girlfriend’s not rich.”
7. “I invented a mosquito repellent, so I guess I started from scratch.”
8. “What makes you think I’m rich? And how did you get into my pool? And why are you naked?”
9. “I wouldn’t know if we’re rich or not. I’ll ask our cook.”
10. “Actually, sir, wealth is a relative thing. And my relatives were rich.”

     In conclusion, I discovered that (a) I am not rich, (b) everybody I interviewed was, and (c) you should never let a security guard pat a dog who bites.

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