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by Rix Quinn

     Termites travel in swarms, and resemble ants. I identify them by putting the UFO (unidentified flying organism) on a piece of wood.

     If the creature walks away, it’s an ant. If it flies off and leaves a hole in the wood, it’s a termite.

     If it flies away carrying the wood, it’s a termite with superpowers.

     Termites devour paper, wood, fence posts, bridges, and even book. (One time I discovered a termite-infested textbook, and I thought I’d found a bookworm.)

     Therefore, consider these preventive measures:

1. Termites love moisture, so keep water away from your foundation. If you find termites already there, do not teach them to water ski.
2. If you keep firewood in your yard, don’t store it near the house. Termites flock to it, and stage an eating frenzy they call “bark in the park.”
3. Termites prefer inside living, and break into the house through leaky windows. Remember this slogan: “A termite indoors makes entrees from your floors.”

     4.A termite lays several thousand eggs a day, many more than a chicken. However, you can sell hen eggs, and a chicken won’t eat your house.

5. If you find a suspicious flying bug, look him up in an insect guide. If he eats the page while you’re reading it, he’ll make a lousy pet.

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