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The old Cajun man trusted God to save him from rising flood waters. His neighbor paddled by in a pirogue and told him to get in.

Surrounded by water, sitting on his roof, the Cajun replied, “Mais, no. God will save me, cher.”

With waters quickly rising, two more neighbors pass offering help. Both times, he says, “No, the Lord will provide.”

Finally, with water up to his neck, he sees a helicopter. It drops a basket to lift him away. He thinks, God will save me, waving off the helicopter.

Then the Cajun drowns and goes to Heaven.

He meets God and says, “Mais, I put my trust in You; why did I die in the flood.”

The Lord replies, “You didn’t trust Me; you TESTED Me! I sent you three boats and a helicopter, but YOU wanted Me to send a burning-bush miracle.”

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Folks on news and social media aren’t changing their behavior. They say God will take care of them. Gathering in huge numbers, they don’t trust God – they are TESTING Him: like He’s some kind of magic charm they can whip out of a box and command. This isn’t the same as praying – I call this GOD-IN-A-BOX ^TM. I’m NOT saying forsake your beliefs, but if you can’t experience God without a “magic building” or if you can only feel Him in large crowds, than you’re ignoring your boats and helicopters in the form of doctors endowed with lifesaving medical skill and knowledge, advice on how not to spread the disease, advice to socially distance, technological advances allowing people to gather virtually when it’s not advisable physically. You’re also overlooking the fact that before 313 A.D.’s Edict of Milan legalized Christianity, many “churches” were actually very small groups meeting in small gathering places like homes.

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[Read as a TV commercial spokesman] So, you see my brethren, the Cajun didn’t trust the Lord. He thought he had the awesome and mighty power of GOD-IN-A-BOX ^TM (G.I.A.B.^TM). When you do something stupid and potentially dangerous, just whip out G.I.A.B.^TM . Letting folks congregate in your establishment during a global pandemic? Use G.I.A.B.^TM. On a roof during a flood? BOX it – GOD-IN-A-BOX ^TM it.

With millions of uses, GOD-IN-A-BOX ^TM is quite simple. Just tell God what He will do for you, and “Poof,” the awesome and omnipotent action of G.I.A.B.^TM goes to work.

Everyone can use GOD-IN-A-BOX ^TM. This handy, dandy miracle of hubris and self-righteousness makes one think he can control God. Use G.I.A.B.^TM to prevent infection, show spiritual superiority (and modesty), support crusades/jihads/fatwas/quilting bees, win sporting contests, season bland British foods, pass the biology II test you didn’t study for, make 1,000s of Julienne fries, etc.

The Bible says render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s, but that’s okay. What about not testing the Lord, your God? That’s okay. Apply G.I.A.B. ^TM.

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I am NOT saying, “Don’t pray.” Please, just realize that the answer is not always “Yes.” It could be “No” or “Wait.” GOD-IN-A-BOX ^TM is the hideously deformed offspring of pop psychology and prosperity theology. It makes you see God as a wish-granting genie. Please, recognize the boats and helicopters. Stop trying to control the uncontrollable. Stop putting other people in danger because you think are using GOD-IN-A-BOX ^TM.

[DISCLAIMER: GOD-IN-A-BOX ^TM makes you feel good, but it can’t solve problems; it won’t invoke the awesome and mighty power of God; it can’t make your team win; it can’t make Pauly Shore movies funny; it can’t make British cuisine palatable (nothing will); it can’t improve your finances. Trust Him, or not, but don’t dare think you control Him!]

Gary Wayne Dupré is enjoying his second career as the Administrative Assistant for L’OBSERVATEUR and can be reached at gary.dupre@lobservateur.com or (985) 652-9545. He’s been social distancing for DECADES, and he’s an old man, so STAY OFF HIS LAWN!