Leonard Gray / L’Observateur / April 7, 2000

There are certain much-maligned groups which are the usual butt of jokes – blondes and politicians come to mind. However, here’s a bouquet for agroup which possibly has the most jokes told about them – lawyers.

One wonders how any child in America grows up intending to join the ranks of the legal profession after years of hearing lawyer jokes. Youknow the kind I mean – jokes which make all lawyers out as money- grubbing, unethical, grasping and greedy. Professionally-paid liars, they’vebeen called.

Everyone, it seems, has their favorite lawyer jokes. Here are a few ofmine, which are oft-told chestnuts: “Last week, it was so cold, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his OWN pockets.””What do you call a group of 100 dead lawyers? A good start.””What do you have when you see a lawyer up to his neck in mud? Not enough mud.””What’s the difference between a dead lawyer in the road and a dead snake? There’s skid marks in front of the snake.””How was copper wire invented? By two penny-pinching lawyers splitting a fee.””Why aren’t lawyers ever attacked by sharks? Professional courtesy.”Lawyers obviously put up with a lot from non-lawyers, especially from people insisting on telling them jokes like these – which they’ve heard countless times already.

To become an attorney, however, involves years of work, expense and sacrifice. And also, having a law degree is hardly a guarantee of riches andsuccess. There are many lawyers who, just to be able to get a fewdishonest bucks, turn to politics. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)Once someone achieves his law degree, passes his bar examination and hangs his shingle, he could still easily run aground unless he joins a prestigious law partnership or corporation. If he becomes a prosecutor,there’s the massive workload and emotional stress for low pay, compared to many defense attorneys.

Many lawyers also aspire to the bench and count themselves failures if they can’t become a judge. Many others will never argue a case in courtthroughout their careers.

One of the more disturbing, at least to me, developments in recent years was the decision to permit attorneys to advertise on television. Almostimmediately, we were bombarded with commercials from the so-called ambulance-chasers. Sorry, if I’m in an accident, I’m not inclined to call anattorney whose commercial irritated me the least.

Meanwhile, attorneys have done much to help society, receiving very little public recognition or adequate reward. Many have done much for positivesocial changes and there are times when we all need a lawyer to ward off injustice or protect our rights as a citizen under the Constitution.

Keep in mind, however, that the best lawyer jokes are made up by and told by – lawyers.

Leonard Gray is a reporter for L’Observateur

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