By DAVID MARLOWE

In case you didn’t know…

This column is written for two distinct types of people: those with too much idle time on their hands, and those who enjoy cluttering up their brains with amusing, but otherwise worthless bits of trivia.

A good friend who probably belongs in the first classification mentioned sent the following facts to me. I haven’t done the research to verify the “fact” assertion, so you’ll just have to take my word for it.

&149; If you yelled for eight years, seven months and six days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

&149; If you pass gas consistently for six years and nine months, enough gas would be produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

&149; Banging your head against a wall uses approximately 150 calories per hour.

&149; Speaking of calories…every time you lick a stamp, you’re consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

&149; Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. (I’m ambidextrous, does that mean I’ll live four and a half years longer than a left-hander?)

&149; Americans consume an average of 18 acres of pizza every day.

So much for facts relating to humans. Now, how about some really valuable information about the animal kingdom?

&149; Polar bears are left-handed. (I don’t have a clue how that relates to the longevity of left-handed humans.)

&149; A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. (I guess that’s so they can’t act ugly toward their playmates.)

&149; Pigs have orgasms which last as long as 30 minutes.

&149; An ant can lift 50 times its own weight, pull 30 times its own weight…and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

&149; A catfish has more than 20,000 taste buds, making it the critter with the most taste buds in the animal kingdom.

&149; A flea can jump 350 times the length of its own body, which is the equivalent of a human being jumping the length of a football field.

&149; A male praying mantis cannot copulate with its head attached to its body. The female solves that problem by ripping the male’s head off.

Well, that’s a baker’s dozen of juicy tidbits, to highlight your next trivia session. All I can add to it is … lucky pigs.

Have a great day!

DAVID MARLOWE is editor and publisher of L’Observateur.