Lee Dresselhaus / L’Observateur / December 20, 2000

So…let’s start this week’s column with a definition. The American Heritage Dictionary defines “obscene” three different ways. 1.Offensive to accepted standards of decency or modesty. 2. Inciting lustfulfeelings; lewd. 3. Offensive or repulsive to the senses; loathsome. Curiously, we generally tend to apply the word to things pornographic, or to foul, pornographic-style language. Well, based on some news from the sportsworld this week, I submit that the American Heritage Dictionary should add a fourth definition because the very fact that a baseball player can get a $250 million contract is, in my book, obscene. That is a quarter of a BILLION dollarsfor playing baseball, folks, and if that isn’t obscene, then I’m a howler monkey.

Let me just put this down in numbers. $252,000,000. Yeow. That’s a lottazeroes for playing a game. Yet, this week the Texas Rangers baseball team -who apparently have more money than sense or, at least, conscience – signed Alex Rodriguez, AKA A-Rod, to a ten year contract for that amount. Ihave a question.

Can somebody tell me what this guy does that makes him worth that kind of money? Let me back up here just a bit. In a column two years ago I somewhatdefended some of the salaries in big-time sports because, hey, if we could all do it we just wouldn’t pay to watch it, would we? Athletes, at least those who can make it to the big leagues, train constantly and reach levels of ability that most of us will never achieve. I don’t exactly have to be content withcompeting in the “throw like a girl” competition at the annual company picnic, but on the other hand I certainly can’t field a ball like a pro player or tackle a 250-pound fullback without immediate and intensive medical attention being required. A lot of today’s athletes earn the salaries they get because theymay only have a short time to earn them. But, come on. There has to be alimit. And I think a quarter of a billion dollars has passed it. By a bunch. Just to put things into perspective, consider this. If you get into a caraccident or fall off a bar stool while watching a football game – which is about as close to real athletics as most of us get anyway – and fracture your skull and a neurosurgeon has to do very delicate surgery on your brain so you won’t have to wear a diaper and a bib for the rest of your life, consider the fact that the surgeon who does all that will never, ever in his life make the money Alex Rodriguez will in the next ten years. For playingbaseball.

What’s wrong with that picture? There are teachers in our schools who dedicate themselves over the course of a 20- or 30-year career to the education of our children. We depend onthose people to educate our entire next generation, our county’s future.

They’ll never make a fraction of what this baseball player will make. In 10years. The same can be said for the fireman who would run into your burninghouse to save you or your children – or even your pets – at the risk of his own life. Or the policeman who will put his safety or even his life on the lineto serve and protect. Furthermore, the astronauts who strap themselvesonto tons of explosive fuel and ride it into orbit with the shuttle are hugely underpaid in comparison. The list is endless. I also have to wonder about how other athletes feel about that monster contract. I mean, there are entire teams out there that didn’t cost thatmuch. If that’s not a slap in the face to them I don’t know what would be. So, yep. If that contract doesn’t fit the definition of obscenity, then Al Goreis a Republican. First off, it’s darn sure offensive to the standards ofdecency and modesty. Especially to modesty. And as much as I hate to soundlike a screaming liberal, as long as there are people living under bridges in this country, well, I’ll find that kind of salary to a baseball player indecent.

Second, it most certainly incites lustful feelings, but not for flesh. For cold,hard cash. And, third, paying a quarter of a BILLION dollars to an athlete, anyathlete, is damn sure offensive and repulsive to the senses. Mine, anyway. We’ve lost a bit of our perspective on the reality of things if we can just nod our heads and say, oh well, when it comes to this.

I’ll say this, though. That guy must be one humdinger of a ball player. Atleast, he’d better be. Because, if you were the management of a team likethe Texas Rangers and you just signed a guy for the equivalent of the gross national product of Indonesia, and you still lost…wouldn’t you feel stupid? Maybe it’s just me but, based on the grandiose scale of the whole thing, I hope they do.

LEE DRESSELHAUS writes this column every Wednesday for L’Observateur.

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