Lee Dresselhaus / L’Observateur / November 15, 2000

So…as I sit writing this column it is Friday. Election day was Tuesday. Andwe still don’t have any idea who the next President of the United States will be.

Evidently there has been some confusion down there in the Sunshine State, specifically in Palm Beach County, about a number of issues. One of theissues that has the entire country waiting for election results is a ballot that seems to have confused some people. They say they probably voted for thewrong candidate because of the way the ballot was laid out. They say it wasconfusing, and that they inadvertently poked the wrong hole. Some of them,about 19,000 of them in fact, poked more than one hole, thus voting for more than one candidate and thereby invalidating their ballots. They wereconfused, also. Which brings me to a question I would like to ask of all thosePalm Beach County voters.

Just what in the name of common sense is wrong with you people? Huh? How could you make a mistake like that? I mean, it wasn’t a quiz on quantum theory. It was a voting ballot, and one that looks pretty straight forward tome.

The ballot in question is called a butterfly ballot. The candidates are listed intwo columns. All candidates are clearly numbered. There is a central row ofholes that runs down the middle of the ballot, one each for each candidate.

Now, here’s the kicker. Each little hole has a number that corresponds withthe candidate to which it is assigned. And there is an arrow THAT POINTSDIRECTLY TO THE HOLE WITH THE SAME NUMBER AS THE CANDIDATE. To votefor the candidate of your choice, you follow the little arrow to the hole with the corresponding number and punch it, or poke it, or something. Doesn’tsound like rocket science, does it? Should be pretty simple to anyone walking upright. To top the whole controversial ballot thing off, the ballot had beenissued in a large-print format to make it easier on the elderly and other sight-impaired folks.

Come on, Sparky. What more do you want? If a voter stood there and started punching holes without carefully reading the ballot and making sure he or she understood just what it was they were punching, well, tough. And as for the 19,000 folks who just decided to punchmore than one hole and who are now complaining that their vote doesn’t count and that their ballot has been thrown out, let’s give you a short news brief. YOU CAN’T DO THAT! You can’t vote for more than one candidate. Andif you do and your ballot gets tossed, get over it. You’re the one who goofedup, not the system. Not the candidates. Not the ballot. You.Know what? Paying closer attention to what they were doing when they were voting would have avoided this whole confusing mess.

And now, despite the fact that the ballot had been published in local newspapers and sample ballots had even been mailed out to voters, they want another election. The Rev. Jesse Jackson is among the leaders who aresquealing fraud and he is doing his very best “Look At Me” dance right now. Itsure didn’t take him long to start, did it? Well, to be fair he is after all a professional agitator and opportunist, and he’s very good at it, so naturally he wouldn’t miss this chance to put himself in the limelight. Again. Anyway, what he and the Democratic Party are saying is that the confusing ballot caused Al Gore to lose the election and they want another one so that they can get it right this time. So let me get this straight. If one party oranother doesn’t win an election they can just call for another one? Hey, we don’t like the results of that election. Let’s do it again. Maybe we’ll win thistime. Yikes. These are some scary, scary people.

There is one little scenario in this whole thing I’d be very curious to see. Allthose screaming meemies from the Democratic Party are howling about the unfairness of the confusing ballot and the “disenfranchisement” (the new catch-phrase as it applies to this mess) of the voters of Palm Beach County.

They want, indeed demand, a new election. What would they do if, after is allsaid and done and the recount is finished, Al Gore overturns the results and happens to win on that alone? I wonder what would happen to all the demands for another election? Boy, I’ll bet those protests would dry up right quick. They’d shut up and sneak awayas gracefully as they could, and if asked about it they would mutter something about justice being done. That other stuff? Uh, nevermind. It’s OKnow.

Hopefully by the time this column comes out we’ll know who will be our next President, but I’m not counting on it. And neither should you. So, just sit back and enjoy the ride. It’s the greatest show on earth.

LEE DRESSELHAUS writes this column every Wednesday for L’Observateur.

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