Lee Dresselhaus / L’Observateur / October 6, 1999

So.. I just saw the most astounding piece of literature I have ever had themisfortune to lay my hands on. If any of you out there have any doubt aboutthe direction our culture is headed you should go to one of your local mall record stores and ask for this magazine. It won’t cost you anything otherthan your time and, according to the son of a friend of mine who just got caught with it and narrowly escaped with his life, it’s free.

What is the name of this marvelous piece of work? It’s Murder Dog magazine, of course. Need an update on the Rap Culture?Well, homeboy, here it is.

Before I get started let me say that I don’t like rap music. I think the veryterm rap music is a contradiction, an oxymoron with an emphasis on the moron part. I seem to be missing something because I just don’t see theart in that art form although I recognize the fact that it must be there. Alot of people like it, and it has had a huge impact on the music business.

And to put things into perspective I have to say that Pavarotti and his gang don’t exactly crank my tractor either. Listening to him yowl is asirritating as listening to rap. And as far as art goes, Picasso seems to berecognized by many as some kind of genius but to me his stuff looks like it was be done by a crayon packing third-grader on acid. So art and music are a matter of taste and interpretation. And my interpretation of rap isthat it is just not my cup of noise.

Which brings me to Murder Dog magazine.

This gem is a promo magazine with pictures and interviews of some of the rap artists currently producing and distributing their stuff. This is wherethe fun begins. If you have often wondered where our kids get their ideasand influences, get this.

This magazine covers things like album reviews. Of course, who can missthe ever popular Pistolballaholic and his album Toppadaline, the cover of which displays a semi-automatic pistol with a gold watch around it. Thephoto accompanying the review shows a close up of The Artist Himself with a gun and a mean look on his face. He’s cool. It rates Four Nutts (don’task) out of a possible five.

Then of course there’s the ad for Flip Tha Switch Records promoting their artist Cadillac Todd. Kind of a catchy name, actually. So is the title of hisrecord, My B***h. With the quote from the lyrics that I’m sure willbecome a classic, “You ain’t a true playa till you bump my b***h.” Ahhh,sheer poetry. I wish I could describe the nature of the truly tenderrelationship between the guy and girl in the promo picture but, never mind.

Hey, and we shouldn’t neglect to mention the ad for this is the actual ad: THUG TV. The greatest video hits of The Mo Thugs Family, featuring neverbefore seen interview footage from those five Thugs from Cleveland. FromMo Thugs Records. Now, that’s a sure winner. Just what we need, mo thugs.I think I’ll bust a move and buy two in case I wear one out, like I did with the Yenni TV offer. It’s bound to blow Dark Side Of The Moon away in salesand the White Album better step back.

And naturally we shouldn’t miss our opportunity to share the cultural input of groups with cool names like Realest Niggaz Down South, X-Raided, Mob Figaz, The Whoridas, and the ever popular Deffa Heffas. The individualnames are equally inspirational to our youth. Like Problem Child, DJ Fingazand of course, S-K-Mo, the worlds first Eskimo rapper. I didn’t make thatup. Couldn’t if I tried. And many others whose promo photos show them invarious poses with hostile looks on their faces, doing their best to look intimidating. Some of them are carrying different weapons, from baseballbats to assault rifles while wearing the jersey of your favorite sports figure.

When you get your subscription to Murder Dog, don’t forget to view the popular monthly feature, the Sin City Records Freak Of The Month. This is agirl in various stages of undress who’s name is Tabitha. She’s 24 and asubstitute teacher, and she’s your Freak Of The Month. Great title. Mamamust be proud. Makes Miss November seem a little weak, doesn’t it? Well, now we know the source of at least some of the cultural inspiration our kids are getting these days. We’ve been looking in the wrong places tofind bad influences. We’ve grouched about internet porno, we’ve taken ontobacco company giants and wrestled Joe Camel to the ground, and we’re even now trying to restrict what TV can show for fear it will influence our kids with its violent message. All we had to do all along was look inour local record store and get a free copy of Murder Dog magazine. They’renot even evasive about being bad examples like the tobacco kings, pornographers, and TV moguls are. They have their own magazine. There,that’s resolved.

I feel better now, don’t you?

Lee Dresselhaus is a regular columnist for L’Observateur

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